Distractions
by CharlieAmber
Summary: Alison needs a distraction from her guilt, Cosima needs a distraction from her illness, and Rachel needs a distraction from, well...herself. The three find themselves in Cosima's hotel room and drunken drama ensues. Takes place after S2E2. Oneshot, drug and alcohol use. (I have not seen episode 3 yet, so this is very AU and largely humor-based).


Alison wasted no time shoving pills down her throat and swallowing more wine once Felix put the phone down on her. It took all her strength and willpower to prevent herself from crying; if she did that, she would be lost. She had to stay focused.

But on what?

_Call Cosima_.

That's what Felix had told her to do after desperately apologising; he had rambled about being sorry, but the words didn't register in Alison's head. The only thing she heard was Felix advising her to call Cosima. And Alison would do it if it meant she didn't have to sit here all alone with her maddening thoughts, even if she couldn't tell Cosima why she was in this state in the first place; even if Cosima might not want to hear it.

Alison slammed down the wine glass and fumbled with the green clone phone to search for Cosima's number. Determined to distract herself in any way at all, she forced herself to focus on the awful new colour Felix had picked out for the clones; what was wrong with the pink cases they started with? They were _much_ nicer than these new monstrosities. She would find the original pink case Beth had originally chosen and replace it later, and scold Felix for having such poor taste in colour.

And then Alison remembered that Felix didn't want to be there for her this time, and she felt angry and desperate again.

"Cosima?" She squeaked down the phone when her dreadlocked double picked up.

"Alison, wassup?" Cosima's voice responded.

"I need you," Alison blurted out without even thinking.

There was a pause.

"What?" Cosima asked.

"I need…I…oh God Cosima, I messed up…please…"

She wasn't sure what she was asking of Cosima exactly. To come over to Alison's place? With more wine? Maybe.

"Oh God Alison, are you drinking again?" Cosima demanded in a higher voice than usual. "Are you?"

"No," Alison shot, "Maybe. Kind of. Yes."

"Alison, last I heard, you were over all that! What happened to moving forward? What have you done this time?!"

"Don't judge me!" Alison was practically wailing now. "Can you come over or not?"

"Are you freakin' kidding me?" Cosima responded perhaps a little too harshly. "Do you even know where I am right now?"

"Oh Christ…yeah…DYAD," Alison muttered. She rubbed her forehead roughly, attempting to will away her oncoming headache.

A few seconds of silence followed before Cosima sighed down the phone.

"Look, you know I'd come help if I could, but I'm like, busy sorting my new lab-"

"Your new lab?" Alison repeated.

"Yeah, Delphine's been here with me all day helping me prepare it so I can…you know what, never mind. I'm busy anyways, and Rachel keeps coming in for one reason or another…mostly to glare these evil glares of doom at me. I think she just wants to psyche me out, really…she's like, totally weird. Totally has issues."

"Rachel…err, the Pro Clone, right?"

"Yeah, her," Cosima responded quickly. "You know, it's totes obvs she has issues, cause she has like this…almost robotic demeanour about her. Ah man I can't explain it, you'd know what I mean if you met her in person; I find her quite fascinating in a way actually; like, what happened to her, you know? It's almost like the whole Helena being raised by religious nuts thing, but the opposite; I can't help but wonder how Rachel was raised and what she's really trying to do here-"

"Cosima, you're rambling."

"Riiight," Cosima huffed guiltily at Alison's sharp statement. "Anyway, I can't help you right now."

Alison sniffed, and her hand twitched, slowly inching towards the glass of wine again.

"Look, I'll call you later on when I'm not busy, right? I'm really sorry, Alison. Gotta go."

Cosima hung up before Alison could protest. A wave of anger hit her at being rejected yet again. Well, she wasn't going to stand for this. She was upset, and she needed help, and she was going to get it, even if she had to drag it out of Cosima. It was better than the alternative. It was better than staying at home and panicking herself to death. She needed a distraction.

* * *

A few hours later, Alison was waiting outside of the DYAD Institute having left Donnie to take care of their children. She was torn between marching in to find Cosima and turning around to run back home. What was she _thinking,_ coming here? It's because she needed a distraction, she repeated in her mind over and over again; coming here was probably out of order, but she told herself it was for the best.

After another few moments of anxiously hovering out of sight, Alison finally spotted a bright red figure leaving the building. She would recognise that red coat anywhere, whether she was drunk or not, never mind the dreadlocks and huge glasses being another giveaway.

"Cosima," Alison said under breath, hurrying from her hiding place with her arms rigid by her side. "Cosima!" She called loudly this time, and her clone looked up abruptly.

Cosima sighed and shook her head at the state Alison was in. Alison paused for a moment, and then offered a small wave.

"Hi," she said in a small, high pitched voice.

Cosima rolled her eyes.

"Alison, you can't _be_ here man," she said rather sternly.

"Why not?" Alison snapped in a dangerously loud voice now. "Huh? Because I'm not as important as the rest of you, am I? Not brave like Beth and Sarah, not smart like you; hell, even Felix has had enough of me, so what am I supposed to do, Cosima? I just _need-_"

"Woah, duuude, just…chill out!" Cosima cut across her, raising her arms as if to shield herself from Alison's outburst. "OK, so I didn't think you were in _this _much of a mess…"

Alison inhaled deeply, her frustration growing by the second, but Cosima spoke again before Alison could continue shrieking at her.

"Look, so you're obviously desperate or whatever or you wouldn't be here."

"You think?" Alison added abruptly.

"But you couldn't call Felix or Sarah?" Cosima questioned warily.

Alison inhaled a short, sharp breath and turned away from Cosima.

"Felix and Sarah have left town," she spoke stiffly.

"I'm sorry, _what?_"

"I don't know the details Cosima, Felix wouldn't tell me! Because all I do is mess things up and he's probably sick of me!"

Alison was full on crying now, leaving Cosima rooted to the ground, staring at her with wide eyes. She attempted to comfort Alison, but no such luck. After a few seconds, Alison looked at her properly.

"I need…I need to speak to, err, Leekie. Or even Rachel, Rachel's his superior, right? I'm not happy with this contract Cosima; I feel like I've been _lied_ to and humiliated-"

"Alison, seriously, just-" Cosima began, but Alison's rambling drowned out her own voice. Cosima was stunned at just how quickly Alison could go from being angry, to upset, to angry again in just a few short seconds.

"-everything is shit Cosima! Take me to see Rachel, _please_; I don't trust Leekie-"

"OK, this is getting us nowhere," Cosima sighed, deciding enough was enough. She grabbed Alison's arm and steered her away from the building. "You're totally drunk and in no fit state to be here, so come on."

"Wh-where are we going? I want to go _in_ the building, _now!_"

"We're – going – back to the hotel me and Delphine have been staying in," Cosima struggled to speak while she attempted to drag Alison away, who was wrestling Cosima off of her. "Alison, come on, seriously, this is pointless! Come back and talk to me about it and _calm down_, and then I can help!"

Alison finally stopped fighting and sniffed sadly.

"You mean it?"

"Yes. I have wine," Cosima offered hopefully, and Alison gave a small smile for the first time. "OK?"

"OK," Alison responded. She allowed Cosima, who let out a sigh of relief, to escort her away from the building.

From her usual window in her usual office inside the DYAD building, Rachel Duncan had witnessed the entire scene. A small, stony smile flashed across her face as she removed an earphone. The smile faded away quickly. She watched the tiny specks that were Alison and Cosima walk away from the building.

* * *

"Holy shit, dude," Cosima breathed later that evening.

She and Alison were back in the hotel room now, both downing glasses of wine at an alarming rate. Alison had told Cosima everything – well, almost everything. She skipped out the part about her leaving Aynsley to die and the crippling guilt that was slowly consuming her because of it, but everything else – the identity of her real monitor, Leekie's lie that the monitor had been lifted, and the fact Felix was now on the run with Sarah and Kira, was revealed to Cosima.

"So I need to talk to Rachel, or someone," Alison was repeating over and over, mostly to herself. At this point, she had abandoned her empty wine glass and started pacing around the room. Again, it was mostly a distraction. She had to distract herself from thoughts of Aynsley, and her situation with Donnie needed to be dealt with. She may as well focus on that. "It's not _fair_ Cosima. Leekie told me there would be no more monitors if I signed that stupid contract, and you know what happened to me the other day? I-I was almost _kidnapped;_ these creepy DYAD men came out of nowhere and tried to take me, and then-"

"Woah, woah, let me just stop you there," Cosima spoke up. She tensed up a bit, nervous for Alison's reaction. "That…might have been down to Sarah."

Alison stopped pacing. She froze. She glared at Cosima dangerously, her vision blurring slightly in her drunken state.

"_What…_"

"Look, I didn't think it was such a good idea, but you know Sarah…"

Cosima began explaining Sarah's plan to sneak into DYAD, but Alison became distracted quickly.

"What are _these?!_"

She was now holding up a pair of handcuffs in front of her face, glaring at them as if they had caused her great offense. Cosima flushed red, darted forward and grabbed them from Alison.

"Cosima!" Alison exclaimed.

"They're mine and Delphine's, OK?"

A shriek of laughter erupted from Alison, causing her to momentarily forget why she was even here in the first place.

"I beg your pardon?" She demanded. She watched as Cosima tossed the handcuffs under the bed out of sight.

"Oh come on Alison, do I have to spell it out?"

"You mean…you and Delphine are-"

"_Yes,_ Alison," Cosima groaned. Alison gawked at her. "Seriously, how did you not know? Everyone else does!"

"You're _gay?_"

"Look, can we get back to your miserable reality, please?"

Alison said nothing. Her grin vanished instantly, and Cosima began to feel guilty for her unusually harsh statement. Today hadn't been particularly pleasant for her either, but taking it out on Alison certainly wasn't going to help matters.

An unexpected knock at the door caught their attention. Alison huffed miserably, sat herself down, and waited while Cosima wandered to the door to see who it was.

She started in surprise to see her blonde double staring back at her.

"Rachel!"

From her corner of the room, Alison lifted her head curiously at the mention of the Pro Clone's name. She could just see the figure of the woman standing behind Cosima in the door frame.

"Good evening, Cosima," Rachel greeted her in her usual monotone voice.

"Err, what…what're you doing here?" Cosima managed, clearly intimidated by the other woman's presence. Rachel smirked a tiny smirk. Without invitation, she forced herself past Cosima into the hotel room. Her eyes lingered on Alison, who was now frozen to the spot like a rabbit caught in headlights.

"Hello, Alison Hendrix. Rachel Duncan. I hear you wish to speak with me about your monitor situation."

An intense silence filled the air. Cosima very slowly and carefully closed the door, and tugged at her dreadlocks nervously.

"Um," she said loudly, "OK. What the hell?"

Alison slowly got to her feet and cleared her throat. Panic, once again, began creeping up on her.

"H-how did you know? How'd you know I've been-"

"That is not your concern," Rachel interrupted. "I have an offer for you, Alison."

"Why are you even here?" Cosima asked her. "I mean holy shit, you actually left the DYAD building."

Rachel turned on the spot to fix her gaze on Cosima. Cosima would never admit it, but that blank stare unnerved her, and she couldn't stop rambling, despite knowing it was probably a mistake.

"I mean that's just what I heard, anyway, that you practically live in there, what with you sending those dudes after Sarah. Don't you usually send your minions or whatever to do this sort of thing?"

"As I said, I have an offer for Alison," Rachel spoke sternly. Cosima fell quiet immediately. "The rest does not concern you, Cosima. Please leave us."

Alison's eyes widened. Cosima thought they might pop out of her head if they widened any more. While Alison stood staring at Rachel, her mind too distorted by alcohol to question Rachel's actions properly, Cosima wondered how Rachel knew where she was staying, how she knew what she knew, and why on earth she had come to speak to Alison in person. She wasn't sure she trusted Rachel and Alison alone together, but what could she do?

"OK, I'm totally confused, but whatever," she sighed at last. It had been a long and irritating day for the most part. She would avoid unnecessary drama if possible. "I'll give you ten minutes, OK? Although, I should warn you, Alison's not really in the right state of mind to strike a deal. She's drunk as fuck."

Cosima picked up her red coat and made a beeline for the exit, ignoring the scandalised stare coming from Alison as she did so.

* * *

Ten minutes turned into fifteen minutes, and fifteen turned into twenty. Cosima had called Sarah out of desperation in attempts to alert her to Alison's current condition, but Sarah took a while to pick up. When, at last, she did, Cosima was greeted by Felix's voice in the background declaring that Sarah had enough to deal with and telling her to ask Cosima to handle Alison instead. Sarah then ranted to Cosima about the situation with Kira, but insisted it wasn't safe to give Cosima details in case Rachel somehow got wind of it.

"Yeah, about Rachel," Cosima blurted out, but she wasn't able to fully explain what was going on. She had already started to make her way back to the hotel room, and had been lingering outside for the last few minutes to talk on the phone, but now angry and distressing yells could be heard from behind the door. Cosima stared, open-mouthed, and momentarily forgot about Sarah on the other end of the phone.

"Cos?" Sarah asked urgently. "Oi, what's up?"

"Err, never mind Sarah; something came up. Gotta go."

"Cosima, just-"

"Just forget I called; we'll talk another time when it's safer for both of us. Catch you later."

Cosima hung up and stuffed the clone phone in her pocket. She took a few seconds to stare at the hotel room door before slowing inching towards it. The shouting had subsided now, but Cosima didn't know if that was a good thing or not…she hesitated, and then, remembering she left the key in the room with Alison, she knocked gently on the door.

"Alison?"

No response. Cosima knocked again, louder this time.

"Alison, let me in."

Shuffling could be heard from behind the door, and finally Alison swung it open. She was looking a bit cross-eyed. A large bruise was starting to form on the side of her face.

"We have a situation," she told Cosima firmly. Alison stepped aside to allow Cosima to enter the room.

Rachel was sitting on the floor by the bed, and her usual neat and tidy hair was ruffled and messy. She was leering at Alison with a rage Cosima didn't think the Pro Clone was capable of, and she too looked as though she'd been hit in the face. It took a few seconds for Cosima to realise Rachel was handcuffed to the bed.

"Holy shit Alison," she almost whispered.

"Release me _at once!_" Rachel demanded. It appeared to take her great effort to force the words out, as if allowing herself to display such anger caused her guilt or panic. She even looked a little scared, Cosima thought, or maybe she was just imagining it.

She stepped further into the room and shut the door quickly. She paid no attention to Alison locking the hotel room door and instead gazed down at Rachel in shock.

"Wow," Cosima said at last, "seriously. I dunno what you did this time, but you sure got a thing for pissing us off and getting your ass kicked, don't ya?"

Rachel seemed far too infuriated to string a sentence together. Alison busied herself with pacing the room again, inhaling deeply as if to calm herself down.

"So is someone gonna tell me what happened, or..?" Cosima asked. Neither Alison nor Rachel responded, but Rachel reached into her pocket with her free hand to pull out her mobile phone.

Alison's reflexes made both Rachel and Cosima jump. She flew over to Rachel immediately, bent down and snatched the phone up. "Ah-ah-ah, no, no, no," she rushed as if she was correcting the unruly behaviour of her children. "No. I don't think so."

With that, Alison crossed the room and placed the phone on a side cabinet so Rachel couldn't reach it.

"You're going to regret this," Rachel hissed up at her.

"Shut up," Alison snapped at her. She spun around a few times on the spot, apparently trying to decide how to react next. Cosima removed her coat, hung it up and watched Alison expectantly.

"OK, someone's gonna have to explain what happened. Alison, what the hell are you thinking?"

"She…she tried to trick me, Cosima!" Alison squeaked, arms flailing madly. "She wanted information on Sarah's whereabouts; she said she'd 'correct the monitor situation' if I talked, but oh no…" Alison turned to face Rachel again and Cosima was sure she was going to smack her. "No way lady, you don't get to trick me like that, and I'm sure as hell not gonna talk about Sarah."

Cosima stared at Alison in awe. She was mildly impressed at how in control Alison was despite being emotional and drunk, but she was far too sensible to know this could only end badly. Why did Alison always have to take extreme measures?

Regretfully, Cosima looked at Rachel and took a step towards her.

"Look man, this has got nothing to do with me," she explained as calmly as she could. "I told you she's in a bad way."

"You realise, I am sure, that any chance of me assisting you in your dilemma has gone," was Rachel's response. She was managing to keep her voice calm and controlled again now, although she still had hints of shock and anger in her eyes.

"Ah but that's where you're wrong, Rachel," Alison said threateningly. She picked up her empty wine glass from earlier and began absently brandishing it as she spoke. "You were never going to help me; us. That contract…it's all bullshit, isn't it? Leekie's a god damn liar, and I don't think I trust _you_ one bit either! You only want to get to Sarah and Kira, but you won't."

"Alison, this reeeaally wasn't the best way to go about it," Cosima interjected. "You don't even _know_ where Sarah is currently, do you?"

"No, no I don't," Alison breathed. "Of course I don't."

"Right. So why couldn't you just tell Rachel that and _calmly_ refuse her offer instead of doing…well, instead of doing _this?_" Cosima gestured to Rachel with her hand and shook her head in disbelief.

Alison froze. Cosima could picture the wheels turning in her alcohol-induced brain slowly, and then the soccer mom fell to her knees. She let out an almighty sob.

"Because I'm an idiot!" She wailed loudly. "Because everything is shit and it always will be, and now I can't even let her go because she's a big important evil Pro Clone and she'll probably have me black-bagged and taken away and-"

'_This has gotta be a bad dream,_' Cosima thought to herself. She allowed her own thoughts to drown out Alison's complaining while Rachel watched the two of them with the blankest stare Cosima had ever seen. She wondered for a brief moment what Rachel was thinking about.

"Alison, we have to let her go."

Cosima's words caused Alison's tears to stop immediately.

"No," Alison told her, "No, Cosima, I can't do that. _We_ can't do that. She can't be trusted; I don't trust her."

"So what, you're just gonna leave her here?"

"Yes!" Alison exclaimed. She began waving the wine glass around again as she spoke. "Until she really _does_ put a stop to all this monitor bullshit, yes!"

"And how are you gonna make her do that?" Cosima asked her. She could feel a headache of her own creeping up on her now.

Alison didn't answer her right away. She hurried to find the bottle of wine she and Cosima had been sharing earlier and picked it up with her free hand. She looked between them both for a moment, apparently deciding on whether or not to pour herself another glass. At long last, Alison abandoned the wine glass, and took a large swig from the bottle itself. Rachel glowered at her in disgust from her spot on the floor.

"A gun," Alison spoke at last. She hastily put the bottle back down, and made her way to the hotel door. "I need to go get one of my guns."

"Oooh hell no," was Cosima's immediate response. Fortunately for Rachel, neither of her identicals got to see the brief look of terror on her face at the mention of the word 'gun'. The clones were too busy struggling with each other as Cosima attempted to drag Alison away from the door.

"Let go, let go!" Alison was shrieking.

Cosima surprised herself with her sudden burst of strength and determination to keep Alison under control, but there was no way she was going to let her suburban counterpart make the situation worse by bringing guns into the mix. She was treading on incredibly thin ice as it was.

Eventually, Cosima managed to force Alison into a chair after offering her the bottle of wine again. Alison took a few more desperate gulps while Rachel watched both of them uncertainly.

She always knew, from Donnie and Leekie's reports, about Alison's reputation for being difficult and borderline psychotic, but Rachel couldn't help feeling shocked and downright horrified by her actions – but of course she would never voice her insecurities out loud. She would never _show_ how much this scared her; she was still annoyed at herself for losing her composure in front of Sarah the last time they came face to face. If Cosima was as smart as she was supposed to be, she would get Rachel out of this mess, for her own sake as well as the rest of the clones.

And then, Rachel snapped out of her thoughts and her eyes grew a little wider. It wasn't until Alison was taking a long, much needed drag of…something…that the Pro Clone realised what Cosima had done.

"You're seriously allowing her to smoke marijuana in a hotel room while having taken me hostage," she stated bluntly and coldly. "This cannot end well for you."

Cosima hurried over to Rachel and crouched down in front of her. The smell of the drug was instantly strong in the air.

"I've gotta calm her down somehow, right?" She said in a hushed voice so Alison wouldn't hear. "Just give me time to think. I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"Better hope the hotel staff don't smell it and come investigating, hadn't you?" Rachel told her.

"Cosima!" Alison blurted out loudly. "Don't…don't you dare let her go…I mean it…don't…"

"Please, you're not gonna let us get sent down; it'd ruin the whole clone experiment thing, wouldn't it?" Cosima spoke to Rachel, ignoring Alison completely. "So after Miss Crazy over there passes out, I'm gonna let you go and we'll forget the whole thing ever happened."

"You seem to think very highly of yourself, Cosima," Rachel mused.

"Uhh, yeah, that's because I'm the smart one," Cosima retaliated. "You want me to find out what makes Sarah so special, right? Why she can have a kid and we can't? I can't do that if you let me get sent down because I gave Alison pot to stop her blowing your brains out, can I?"

"There are ways to gain information on Sarah, whether you're the one to provide it or not," Rachel replied in her robot voice.

"Yeah, but that's gonna be a tough job, right? It'll be easier for someone like me, who Sarah trusts, to get you what you need, right? I mean, after we met earlier today and you asked me to do this, I wasn't sure I wanted to do it, you know? So Rachel, I guess it all depends on what you're gonna do about all of this. Cause if you don't, err, _come to terms¸_ we're all pretty much screwed here."

Rachel said nothing, but the irritated glare that subtly appeared on her features satisfied Cosima; she knew Rachel couldn't disagree with her. Cosima grinned.

"So that settles it then," she said.

"I miss Beth," Alison whined suddenly from the other side of the room. Cosima turned on the spot to see the soccer mom clone slouching in her chair, looking more cross-eyed than ever. "Do you miss Beth?" She asked Cosima.

Cosima didn't answer. Instead she stood up, approached Alison, and gently removed the spliff from her hand.

"I think you've had enough, Alison."

"For somebody who's been clever since they were six, I have to say you're acting like a complete imbecile, Cosima," Rachel raised her voice slightly. "You said yourself Alison is drunk; not that you needed to inform me since her inappropriate actions speak for themselves. You _are_ aware of the term 'greening out', yes? Of what happens when alcohol and marijuana are mixed-"

"Shut up Pro Clone," Cosima shot at her in a way that would make Sarah proud. She was becoming increasingly annoyed with the entire situation by the minute, and every now and then Cosima couldn't help letting out a snide comment. "I only let her have like, two drags. She'll be fine."

"Beth understood me," Alison continued. Her eyes closed of their own accord, and she began slipping out of the chair and onto the floor. "Beth would…she'd…Beth would help me…"

With a loud snore, Alison flopped from the chair and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor. Cosima watched her carefully for a moment until Alison's breathing became rhythmic and steady. The scientist clone then proceeded to smoke the cigarette herself, inhaling her first, deep drag.

Rachel silently observed as Cosima held the cigar in her lips and attempted to hoist Alison into a sitting position. It took her a good amount of effort to move the sleeping clone to the bed.

"Christ Alison," Cosima gasped, practically throwing her onto the bed.

A few moments of total silence passed, apart from Alison's snoring. Cosima was grateful for it. She allowed herself to enjoy a few more drags before focusing her attention on Rachel again. She sighed heavily, and Rachel simply watched her expectantly.

"I do believe we _came to terms_," she reminded Cosima stonily. Cosima shrugged.

"Yep, but I'm gonna finish this joint first."

"Let me go at once, Cosima."

"Nah. I can't. I don't know where the key is."

"_What?_" Rachel demanded.

"The key. Ya know, for the handcuffs. It's quite a funny story actually; Delphine hid it because…well-"

"Please spare me the details," Rachel said. Once again, she appeared to be using all of her might to prevent herself showing any kind of emotion; distress included.

"Well I could like, call her?" Cosima suggested with another shrug. "Ask her where it is-"

"That won't be necessary," Rachel cut across her.

"You wanna stay chained up to the bed then?" Cosima asked, eyebrows raised. She giggled to herself at the thought, and then an idea dawned on her.

Rachel watched Cosima draw her phone out; she thought for a second the dreadlocked clone was going to call Delphine and alert her to what was going on, but Cosima simply raised the phone up and held it still for a second. A clicking sound told Rachel Cosima had taken a photograph of her.

"And what, exactly, do you plan on doing with _that?_" Rachel asked.

"Nothing," Cosima said innocently. "It's just insurance, or whatever. You know, just in case."

"Just in case I decide not to let you get away with this."

"Something like that, yeah. Genius, aren't I?"

Rachel fell quiet again. She could be bubbling with anger beneath the surface, but Cosima would never know it from the blank expression on her face. She couldn't help laughing again, but her laugh turned into a series of worrisome coughs. Instinctively, Cosima inspected her hand to check she hadn't coughed up more blood. Rachel observed her.

"Is it wise to be smoking like that in your condition? Surely it is in your best interest to avoid such substances and focus on improving your general health."

"I guess so, but I gotta have fun while I can, don't I?" Cosima responded. Then, as if to prove a point, she smoked more of the joint, and grinned, in Rachel's opinion, an annoying grin.

Silence followed again. Alison gave a sudden groan in her sleep, and Cosima flopped to the floor next to Rachel, bringing the smell of the drug with her.

"Do _you_ ever have fun, Rachel?" Cosima asked suddenly. Rachel hesitated.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Do you even _feel? _How can you be such an android? It's totally weird. But fascinating, you know, from a scientific point of view. What's it like growing up being self-aware? I mean I get that we're all totally different, but for you it must have been something else entirely. It's intriguing, really."

"I doubt very much you would be daring to speak to me like this if you were not under the influence of alcohol and drugs," Rachel stated. However, her tone had lost some of its hardness. She spoke a little quieter, and Cosima picked up on it.

"Dude, come on. I'm just interested."

"Well I can assure you I do not share your interest in exchanging life stories, Cosima."

"Not even like, from one science nerd to another? Come on man, don't you ever just do normal things; chill out and whatever?" Cosima asked her. "You know…_talk _to people?"

"Talking is a futile activity and one I shall not be engaging in any time soon. Why should I feel the need to talk when I am already aware of my purpose?"

"Uh, cause you're not actually a robot?" Cosima told her. "Everyone's gotta talk; it's human nature, whether you're a clone or not. Go on Rachel. Take a hit."

There was no mistaking it; Rachel twitched anxiously at Cosima's words, and turned to stare at her, completely scandalised.

"I shall do _no such thing._"

Cosima grinned. She held the joint up, trying to tempt Rachel to take it.

"Go ooooooon. You might like it."

"It is an _illegal activity_, Cosima."

"Well yeah, but so is the whole human cloning thing."

The two fell quiet again, but Rachel began fidgeting uncomfortably. After listening to Alison's snoring for a moment to make sure she was still alive, Cosima became even more curious about the Pro Clone's thoughts.

"Seriously though," she began again, "why _did_ you come here yourself instead of sending someone else? I just didn't think you'd waste your time doing it. Actually, how'd you even know we were here? You been spying on us, Pro Clone? Well, obviously, that's a stupid question isn't it…what with all the monitors and stuff…"

"I already told you. Do not ask what doesn't concern you."

"Well it kinda does concern me if you're watching my every freakin' move. I just wanna know how you _knew_ all of this…by the way, it'd take less than a second for me to send that photo to Sarah. And she'd appreciate it, I'm sure. Just sayin'."

Rachel bit down hard and closed her eyes, supressing a sigh. Cosima continued to smoke, and slowly inched closer and closer to Rachel, waiting for her response.

"Microphone," Rachel said at last. Cosima froze.

"Huh?"

"I had a microphone planted on you when you were at DYAD earlier today in the hopes it would ultimately bring me information on Sarah."

"Oh shit!" Cosima exclaimed. She sounded genuinely annoyed now, and she sat up straight to stare at Rachel angrily. "You freakin' _bugged me?_ It's no wonder Sarah doesn't trust you…it's no wonder we're all so damn sceptical of this whole DYAD thing! How're we supposed to trust you guys when all you wanna do is screw with our lives?"

"Your _lives_," Rachel began, sounding stern again now, "only exist because of the original cloning procedure; the original experiment. You cannot possibly expect us to sit by and allow Sarah to continue with her unjust behaviour when there is important research to be carried out. We need her. We'll do all we can to rein her in."

"Right, so you put a freakin' microphone on me. Great. So what, did you think I wouldn't find it eventually? Only reason I haven't yet is because I've been dealing with…with this shit storm right here," Cosima nodded in Alison's direction as she said this. "You say I'm not really very smart, but honestly dude…_a microphone?_ Seems pretty weak to me, Rachel…and it still doesn't explain why you came here yourself, with no bodyguards or anything. Not your smartest move, was it?"

Whatever Cosima was expecting Rachel to do next, it wasn't for her to snatch the joint from Cosima's hand and raise it up to her own lips. Cosima watched in utter shock while Rachel took an extremely long drag, held it for a few seconds, and then exhaled.

"Oh…my God," Cosima stuttered.

Cosima didn't know what else to say. She simply watched in awe while Rachel took a few more hits, completely mesmerized by the robot woman's reactions to the drug.

"And _this,_ Cosima," she half whispered, "is exactly why I do not allow myself to step away from my responsibilities at DYAD…when one loses focus…well…"

"What, you…get beaten up by crazy soccer moms and handcuffed to a bed?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. Cosima was shocked to see her acting so human.

"Rachel…you might be the Pro Clone, but honestly, the fact you let that define who you are is kinda sad. I mean I know obviously it can't be helped, the way you are I mean, but to have to live as if you only exist for _them…_well, I actually feel sorry for you."

"There is no need," Rachel insisted, her speech starting to slur a bit now. "It is my _life._"

"Right. Because that's all you know. That's why you came here though, isn't it? To escape for a bit, perhaps? To see things for yourself and just…well…just to _live_ a little?"

Another silence. More smoking from Rachel. And then-

"Fuck off, Cosima."

"Woooooaaaah, OK," Cosima responded. She was amused, stunned and annoyed at the same time. "Hit a nerve, have I?"

"You know nothing, so I repeat, fuck off."

Cosima attempted to steal the joint again, but Rachel held it out of her reach.

"OK, fine," Cosima sighed. "I'll just leave you here with the crazy soccer lady then. Wonder what she'll do when she wakes up."

Rachel turned to face Cosima so abruptly that it made the dreadlocked clone jump.

"How dare you," Rachel hissed at her. "What gives you the _right…_you know nothing…"

"I'm not _judging_, I just…ah, whatever. So, is this your first time getting baked?" Cosima changed the subject.

"Baked?"

"You know, stoned, high, whatever."

"I assure you I feel perfectly fine," Rachel insisted.

"Yeah," Cosima laughed, "sure you do. But that doesn't answer my question."

"Hm."

"So…yes or no?" Cosima asked again.

"Of course."

A pause followed. Cosima stretched and finally got up, swaying a little.

"Yeeeaaah, OK, it's definitely got to you already. Guess I'll call Delphine and get her to find that key."

Rachel said nothing. In fact, she became extremely limp and still, like a life-sized doll flopped against the bed. Cosima found it a little disturbing.

"Well shit," she cursed to herself.

Cosima pulled out her phone once more, and searched for Delphine's number. Before she pressed dial, she shook her head and sighed heavily, thinking to herself that Alison and Rachel could perhaps learn a thing or two from each other about overreacting and not reacting enough. Both of them could do with chilling out some more; just in very different ways.

With a final sigh, Cosima dialled Delphine's number. She hoped straightening up the place and ridding it of the smell of marijuana wouldn't be too difficult a task…but then, she thought, it couldn't be much harder than dealing with the two clones lying passed out in her hotel room.


End file.
